So she was discharged a little over a week ago and we got our Christmas wish, to be home as a family for Christmas. We were all hoping and praying and preparing to go home, and Friday the 22, her oncologist walked in to tell us the good news that the initial numbers looked good and we could go home. It was a mad dash to finish the packing we had started in hopes of going home after just over a month in the hospital.
It's been chaotic, and confusing finding the balance of medicine scheduling, being strict because we are home and not going to wait on her hand and foot. And yet I find it hard not letting her win more battles than I fight. I've forgotten a little bit that my baby has cancer. Well, is fighting cancer. It's a hard in between. Tuesday we found out her bone marrow sample came back with no blasts found in the 10,000 sample. So she's in remission they say, but that still doesn't mean we don't go through the whole rest of the protocol. So Tuesday starts day one of consolidation as an outpatient. I know we've come so far in such a short time but I know the next months, years we are in for more. It's all unknown. It keeps knocking me down, how scared I am for her, for us, for our lives. People say I'm holding it together, when all I feel like is a Jenga tower one move from disaster, one tile away from crashing to the ground.
At least at the hospital, the docs and nurses had a plan, and we all went along with the plan. At home I feel like its all smoke and mirrors and kinda lost.
My baby has cancer. She's rocked this chemo things butt, and now we get to start again to make sure nothing else is there. All while navigating whether she can attend school, tutoring when she can't, treatments, meds, and normal everyday life in between that.
Oiy. Send help. Send wine. Send my sanity.
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